I wonder if my dating karma is horrendously black and malformed...? Maybe that's why I'm trapped in this unknown circle of Dante's Infernal Hell --> Dating in South Florida in the mid-to-late first decade of the 21st century.
Nothing could be more pitiful or discouraging, except maybe being forced to watch episodes of American Idol.
What I've realized is that there is no guarantee that I will ever meet a mate -- in fact, it's statistically probable that I will end up alone for the rest of my life. Because this time I'm not going to settle and, truth be told, I may never meet another man who I am capable of falling in love with (who would also fall in love back). And that reality is a little too overwhelming to bear.
But here's what is amazing about it. I've always been the extremely jealous type, maybe even to a fault. Even jealous of my partners' past partners from long before we were together... Totally irrational and emotionally immature, I know. Certainly not something I've ever been proud of.
But today I sent a truth out to the universe that was fundamentally different -- I said, if there is a man in this world that I can truly connect with (and he connect back to me) my most sincere hope is that he's not alone right now. Even if he's not madly in love or happy beyond his wildest dreams (I mean, that's what meeting me is for, right?), I at least hope that he's not lonely and not feeling the same emptiness I feel right now.
And for once in my life, with no jealousy, suspicion, or negativity, I mean it. I hope in this moment he feels whole, I wouldn't wish what I am feeling on anyone especially not someone I'm destined to love...
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