I think a lot of what I'm doing lately involves comparison.... now I am x, before I was y; at one point I thought this, now I think that. It's confusing how much time my mind is spending flipping back and forth between past and present trying to make sense of all the change. Trying to compare and contrast; seek patterns; recognize shapes; and ultimately draw conclusions that I can base future thoughts, speeches, and decisions on.
It's not working. I cannot formulate anything sensible from all this chaos.
Change is the one extreme constant in my life at the moment. Everything is in a total state of flux and each time I think things are about to settle down and take on their new shape, instead everything shifts, contorts, and dances off into the night without me. Usually though, in all times, bad and good, I have the words at my lips, fingertips, disposal to express 1) what's wrong; 2) what's right; 3) what needs to be done.... NOW, however, it's all just a jumble and I have barely any words at all.
When I do speak I hear everything through a funnel of self-doubt and immediately I sense that nothing is quite what I mean it to be or coming out round about how it ought to. I'm flopping around noisily with nothing worthwhile to say and I think people are starting to catch on.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment