Searching for the Future Through a Veil of Pink Tulle

I picked up the bridesmaid dresses for my canceled wedding yesterday and was left to continue to wonder why I have to clean up someone else's mess. Why I have to reach down into me and come up the bigger person every time while others glide away effortlessly off into the sunset. And, in all my failed relationships, both friendship and romantic, it's been that way -- I've tidied up after the fact, made it easier and more pleasant, while the leaver has quickly left without a second thought, inconvenience, or parting glance.

Here's the crux of the problem: I don't set boundaries with any person in my life. I will drop everything at less than a moment's notice for anyone I care for at anytime.

Here's the part I can't get over: I don't think I would like me if I did set boundaries. I mean, what the hell do I have to offer if I enter into the world of those who don't give wholeheartedly? I wouldn't have any respect for that kind of me.

Here's the challenge: Set boundaries with me first, then with others. That's the only way I'll be comfortable with having them, by getting used to the idea of "no" internally first.

Here's what I have to say "no" to myself right now: Feeling sorry for myself. Buck up, pink tulle is for sissies anyway.

Groan.